Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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