my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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