someone owes me an orgasm
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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