Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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