Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize