There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
