she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
