she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
