What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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