Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
