it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
