Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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