We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she peed on how many people?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
