I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
