Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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