the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
