It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
