Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
