Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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