so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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