There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
