Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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