Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
