Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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