Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
