It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
