She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's the barista slut.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't deserve a penis
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
