i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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