She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
