Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
