So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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