He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
