its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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