Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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