Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
