i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
