So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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