he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
