hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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