If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
