She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I smell stomach acid.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
