I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
