Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
