ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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