I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
