I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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