I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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