wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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