His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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