wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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