I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
