that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
