i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
