peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
