I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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