you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
