evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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