Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
