i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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