She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
