So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
