does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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