All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
