I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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