Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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