She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
