I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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