I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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